Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
