This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
