You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
