Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
