I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
