best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
