Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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