we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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