Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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