I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
