You're earring is so big in my mouth
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
