If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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