you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
