im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are we still banned from the library?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
