What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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