My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
