so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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