if you like me you must not know who I am
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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