I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wear drunk well.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
