some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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