we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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