Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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