i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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