No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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