He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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