"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Let's paint friendship bongs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
