Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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