well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
