It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
