I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
