do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
