4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
