there's paper in my vomit.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
