I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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