This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
