I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
