I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
