I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
