Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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