Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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