Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
