I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
