I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
