Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
