Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
