I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
