so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
