i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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