I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
