Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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