Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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